This morning I had a quiet moment in bed with my journal and cup of coffee before the typical chaos of a Monday morning. When I take the opportunity to write in my journal…the thoughts that come forth are often random and inconsistent, but this morning I was caught up in the sensation of starting the week with a slow and intentional moment. It felt good. I was in my bed, flannel sheets, a cup of coffee with the perfect amount of creamer, the sun was rising, and the house was still. “More of this please.”
Earlier this fall, around Labor Day, some girlfriends and I had the opportunity to go up North to have our tarot read by the incredible Kelly Keyser. It was a really lovely day of perfect weather, an amazing group of women, and focused attention on self and intentional living.
Kelly has a lovely property that she works and lives from; a beautiful wild field growing many of the herbs and medicinal plants she uses in her work. The property has a space set up for both an outdoor and indoor experience of her offerings.
I have only had tarot read once before (virtually), and I really did not much resonate with the experience. Virtual is of course a very different thing than in person, but I think that Kelly was also immediately easy to connect with and receive from.
She began our session by explaining that the tarot she reads is not a psychic reading; it is a reflection of the past and current energy surrounding the individual in order to be thoughtfully and thoroughly seen, and hopefully guide an individual going forward.
If you have never had a tarot reading, it is quite flowing with typically the pulling of multiple cards and a river of thoughts and reflections. After the session I realized that maybe it would have been nice to record, however it is also fantastic to allow whatever wants to punctuate your memory do so naturally.
The end of my reading was held by a conversation around the fact that I need to get specific in my own life about what it is that I want. There was the suggestion that Source/my guides/God/The Universe was waiting for my request in order to help me manifest.
Manifestation for me has alway felt a bit presumptuous and, dare I say, materialistic. I have always taken it to be about asking for what you want more of…which of course it is…but in my interpretation that has always stopped at things like “financial freedom” or “a paid off mortgage and bills” or some other tangible objective thing.
Kelly made it clear that what I needed to manifest or ask for was feeling based. How do I want to feel? More what? Less what? For some reason, this has really struck a different chord with me.
My sun sign is Virgo, so to me that sometimes looks like an inability to get started on something until I have every feasible duck in row. Figuring out exactly how I want to feel was no different…it has taken me two months to wrap my head around just how to even collect these thoughts and sensations.
I did my best to just loosen the grip a bit and allow my awareness to answer the question with patience. I did not make a chart, or a list…ok maybe just a short list in my journal:) What I focused on instead, and am still doing, is just try to recognize the moments in my day that feel so good and make me want more. I have been trying to pause in these moments and amplify them or at least acknowledge them.
A place that my human brain has been getting stuck on is, how can I ask for one thing??? Sometimes I like feeling deeply immersed in a learning experience, and sometimes I like mindlessly sitting in the sun. Sometimes I thoroughly enjoy being surrounded by my beautiful family, and sometimes I crave solitude.
What hit me this morning, and probably is common sense to a lot of people, is that I am allowed to want a diversity of feeling. I don’t need to want contentment all of the time, sometimes the driving force of curiosity is so motivating for me…and I would call that the opposite of contentment. I also want more contentment.
Personally, I also feel a desire to affect change and growth in myself and others, sometimes this comes with a sensation of friction. I don’t particularly like friction and conflict, but I do recognize the necessity of friction to instigate a change in trajectory. I think that might be a physics thing 🙂 I don’t think that I would necessarily ask the universe to bring more conflict into my life, but the sometimes positive results of conflict often leave me with a sensation of accomplishment that I do want more of.
I was not asked to sort through how much of each feeling, or how often, or in what circumstance. I trust that if I recognize and honor the beautiful moments in my human experience, I will be heard and supported and offered more. Do we create the moments? Are they a gift? Do we just stumble upon something good once in a while? Maybe all of the above.
It is, however, important to recognize that we are active participants in our lives; it seems obvious but I meet so many people and even catch myself thinking at times that “things happen to me,” and forget how much influence I have over every experience and even more so over the perception of each of those experiences.
So for now, I’m going to just keep asking for “more of this please.”
